My teen is 13 years old. I want to know how to make him stop arguing and yelling at me when I speak to him or ask him to do something. I want him to obey me when he is told to do something. –Cindy

I have a 13 yr old son w/ ADD. I want him to stop picking on his 8 y o sister. –Janet

I have 2 daughters of 15 and 13 years. They hate each other and are jealous all the time:
- They are fighting all time
- They both are very good students and nice girls, but can’t be together. –Nuria

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I am really interested in the teen program. I have a 13 1/2 yr. old boy and an 8 yr. old boy. I would like help with sibling rivalry. –Brandy Varni

The problem with sibling rivalry is that it is not really a problem. Sibling rivalry is normal. It is something that happens in every society, in all cultures, and it has occurred since the dawn of man.

Since sibling rivalry is a normal part of human development it is hard to ‘treat’ it. I feel the best thing you can do is to understand why it is there, how it can benefit your children, and the things that you can do to minimize it.

I wrote about sibling rivalry at great length before. The URL of the article is at: http://ccparenting.com/parenting/86

But there is one idea, which I did not mention in the article, that I would like to share with you. This is something you can do with your children that will minimize, if not eliminate the problem of sibling rivalry in your home.

Here is the basic principle:

The best way to establish peace within any group of individuals where there is ongoing discord is to get the members involved in a project with a desirable goal and which can only be achieved if they work together. That means that if you can continually devise ways that your children need to work together to achieve a common goal, they will be much less likely to fight among themselves and they will actually begin to like each other.

Here are examples of situations you can create:

Plan a trip to somewhere that your children want to go. Then ‘discover’ that your car battery is dead and that your children have to push the car to get it moving so that you can get it started. (Note: this will not work if your car has an automatic transmission.)

Have a ‘break’ in your water supply. Send your kids to the neighbors with buckets to get water.

Plan a family picnic or barbeque, but at the last minute have something come up. Tell your kids that unless they want to cancel, they will have to go to the market to buy and then prepare the food for the family.

Rent canoes and have you and your spouse in one and the battling children in the other. You might even try a race (as long as you let them win).

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Any activity that your battling children will want to do, but will require their joint cooperation in order to do it, will reduce sibling rivalry. The scenarios should not appear engineered by you.

You will also need to do this a lot. Sibling rivalry is natural and it runs deep. This will not be a quick fix. However, if you do this often enough, the sibling rivalry will slowly fade away.

Warmly,

Anthony Kane, MD

P S At this point, for the benefit of everyone I would like your input.

Please comment below with anything that you have tried or any ideas that you have that you and other parents can use to get your children to work together for a common goal.

P P S I want to let you know that I am working on something very special for you.

I don’t want to announce it yet because it’s not ready, but be sure to check your email on Friday.
 

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In order for us to get restful sleep, we need to be relaxed. In order to relax, a number of things have to happen.

Get ADHD and ODD Child Behavior Help for children 2-11

We also need to feel secure and safe in the bed. Some children with sensory integration difficulties, such as problems with touch sensitivity, body position sense (proprioception), or gravitational insecurity may find lying down on a high bed difficult. Such children may be helped by having heavy blankets that help them to feel more grounded.

To sleep, we then need to turn our minds off the business of the day, shut out the distractions of the environment and slow down our heart rate and metabolism. As we drift into sleep, not only does the body slow down, so too does the brain. Brain waves, which are often running along at 14 Hertz (cycles per second) or more during the day, will slow down first to an “alpha” rhythm (around 10 Hz) and then gradually right down to the deep sleep of a “delta” rhythm (4-7 Hz).

All of this can be helped by setting up the environment well, and also by developing a regular routine so that the body learns the signals that tell it that it is time to slow down for some sleep. Here are some suggestions:

A warm bath and hot milky drink.
The warm bath relaxes the body, and allows the metabolism to slow down as it does not need to be so busy generating heat. Warmth also relaxes muscles. Warm milk contains an amino acid called Tryptophan which is a naturally occurring sedative.

Obviously avoid drinks such as Coca Cola, tea or coffee, which all contain caffeine. Avoid also activities that are arousing or frustrating; just before bed is not the time for them to be getting upset about their homework or frustrated with their Gameboy.

A bedtime story.
This helps to push out the anxieties of the day, whilst also giving the child some special one-to-one attention. The child feels loved and valued, and therefore safe and secure. This can be followed by a recorded tape story, to which the child can listen with eyes closed and in a darkened room. But pick a story that is calming, not frightening!

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Relaxing music.
Unlike the eyes, we cannot close our ears. The sounds and noises of our environment are constantly entering into our system. Most of them tend to wake us up and increase stress. This is particularly true of sudden and unexpected noises, such as a dog barking, a fox howling, of a heavy lorry passing by.

While we cannot shut our ears, we can modify the sounds around us. First of all is to make the room as quiet as possible. Often there is not much that you can do about this, but certainly heavy curtains, double glazing, and closed doors can all help.

Secondly, we can introduce sounds that help to shut out the wrong noises, and that also help us to relax. White noise, such as that produced by a fan or a humidifier does help to drown out the trucks and the barking dogs. So does a radio playing quietly in the background. Unfortunately, these sounds in themselves tend to be arousing and stressful rather than relaxing.

This is to do with two factors: pitch and beat.

Disco music is the most obvious example of this. No doubt at times you have found yourself tapping or nodding in time with the beat of some catchy music. This is called “entrainment”, and describe the fact that our bodies like to align themselves with the rhythms around us. Our heart rates do the same – in general, as you listen to fast music or a fast beat (such as with rap music), your heart rate will speed up; when you listen to slow music, it slows down.

To create a sound environment that promotes sleep, we therefore need sounds that are low in pitch, and have a slow rhythm. A beat of 50 to 60 Hertz, the rate of our hearts when fully relaxed, would be ideal. Where do we find such sounds? Some classical music meets these requirements, so to do some nature sounds such as waves gently rolling onto the beach. My recommendation is to use some of the recordings that are deliberately created for relaxation.

Amongst the best that I have come across are the those by Steven Halpern, and also the Sound Health Series CD’s called (appropriately enough), “Relax” and “De-Stress”. These should be played very quietly in the background, both to drown out the dogs, and to generate a peaceful sound environment in the bedroom. If your child has a tendency to wake easily and frequently in the night, it may be worth putting the CD on continuous play so that it carries on right through the night.

Color and Light.
Not only are our bodies and minds sensitive to the frequencies and rhythms or sounds, we are also profoundly affected by light and color. This is well know by supermarkets and football teams!

The supermarkets use green/blue tinged lights to make the vegetables look greener and fresher, but red tinged light on their meat counters. This is done very subtly, but very effectively. The colors on the product packaging are equally carefully chosen and designed to motivate you to buy. The stores are brightly lit, and may have “muzak” playing.

All of this is done to make you feel up-beat and comfortable. The longer you stay, the more you will spend. Contrast that with some dingy shops that you know. In the same way, some football clubs will paint their changing rooms in different colors – red for the home team, as it is activating and arousing; and blue for the away team, as it is relaxing and calming.

Blue is for serenity, green for harmony and peace, pink instills warmth and cosiness. All of these, especially if in muted tints, are ideal of bedrooms, although blue and green may produce too cold an atmosphere. On the other hand bright and vibrant colors such as yellows and reds will rev us up and keep us awake. The effects are subtle and certainly not conscious, but even so are very real.

The lighting is also important. Not surprisingly, bright lights keep us awake. So too, does light with a “cold” or bluish tinge – such as from fluorescent lights. This is, after all, the lighting of the early morning sun. On the other hand, the twilight sun is full of warm shades of orange and red. So the light from a dim bulb or, better still, from a candle, oil lamp, or natural fire, will be much more relaxing. Combine these with pink furnishings, soft slow music, the sound of waves on the beach ….

There is one other feature of natural flames that makes it so relaxing- it flickers. Typically, in fact, if flickers at a rate of about 6-7 Hz. The brain tends to entrain to this frequency, which produces the very relaxed state of “theta wave” activity.

Of course it may not be safe to have a candle, oil lamp or open fire in your child’s bedroom! So how can we get around this? One option is to use the electrical bulbs that simulate a flickering flame. The other is to use specialty lamps such as fiber optic lamps that produce a low level of light, that gradually changes from one color to another.

They may not flicker at 7 Hz, but the slow and gentle changes are themselves relaxing, as are the color changes, provided they are not too bright. Other children prefer to simply have a dark room with no lights on. Certainly it pays to have thick curtains that screen out the late night and early morning light of the summer sun.

Aroma.
Smell is, in fact, the most primitive and basic of our senses. How often have you had a brief whiff of some smell that has brought certain memories and emotions to come flooding back? Smells affect our emotional state, and the right smells can help us to sleep.

Recommended for sleep are the essential oils of mandarin, chamomile roman, lavender and palma rosa. For children over five, neroli, geranium and nutmeg can be added to the list. These oils can be combined, with a mixture of mandarin, chamomile and palma rosa, and also of chamomile, geranium and nutmeg being particularly effective. The oils can be put in bath water, rubbed on the skin with massage oil, or put in the water of the humidifier. Once again, moderation is the key. It is subtlety that we are looking for, not an overpowering smell.

Humidity and fresh air.
In the winters we tend to have the windows closed, and the heating on. The closed window cuts out the outside noises, but also cuts out the fresh air. Furthermore, the heating dries out the air, which in turn dries out our nasal passages. Stuffy air and uncomfortable noses are a common cause of poor sleep and wakening in the late parts of the night. Opening the window a crack may help.

The humidity can be improved in three ways. One is to simply turn the heating down, and compensate with more blankets ( which may help the child to “feel grounded”). The other is to add some moisture to the air. This can be down with a humidifier (which may also produce some background white noise), or simply by draping a wet flannel over the radiator. Put a couple of drops of essential oil in the water or on the flannel, and you will also provide a gentle aroma in the room.

Waking during the night.
It is normal to wake or almost wake several times during the night. The trick is to get back to sleep again. All of the above will increase the chances of this. Along with this it is important not to reinforce a behavior pattern of waking up during the night by giving it a lot of attention. Infants and young children especially will often cry or make other noises when they wake.

Do not immediately rush in to comfort them – this will only wake them up more, and reinforce the pattern of waking in the night. If you leave them alone, most will gradually settle and go back to sleep by themselves. Initially this may take some time, as they are used to getting your attention, but gradually, if you stay firm, this period of time will get shorter.

Of course these are a million other ways to help your child to sleep. Feel free to experiment to find what works for you.

May you have peaceful nights and pleasant dreams.

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1. Begin when your child is young

Get ADHD and ODD Child Behavior Help for children 2-11

As soon as your child is old enough to understand, he can begin to help. It might be something as simple as bringing you a clean diaper or handing you the bottle when he is finished.

Children have a strong desire to help. Even children younger than two years old want to do things to help their parents.

You can encourage your child by creatively finding things for him or her to do and then giving lots of praise. This will help build your child’s confidence and self-esteem, and it will set up a pattern of helping out early in your child’s life.

2. Do not buy your child’s help

Do not give your child rewards in exchange for helping. You want to build an internal desire to assist you, not one based upon receiving payment.

You want your child to learn the pleasure of giving to others. When he gets a reward for assisting, you teach him to focus on what he will get, instead of how he can give.

This is how you should do it.

After your child does something for you, say,

“I really appreciate how you helped me and I want to do something nice for you, too. I am going to call your father and have him bring home the movie that you want to see.”

When you reward your child this way, what you are really doing is showing your gratitude. You are not paying a reward for work.

This is better than a reward for a number of reasons. You are showing your child your gratitude, which is the real reward. You are motivating your child to help without the expectation of receiving payment at the end. In the back of your child’s mind he realizes that on occasion he may receive something unexpected when he helps, which adds an extra motivation to help.

3. Let the natural consequences of your child’s mistake occur

We don’t want our children to suffer if we can help them avoid it. But, parents who protect their child from the consequences of their actions are making a big mistake.

Our goal as parents is to teach our child to be good, responsible adults. In the adult world no one is going to shelter your child when he is careless or reckless.

When your child makes a mistake, you do him no favors by bailing him out. Let your child learn to be dependable by taking responsibility for his actions and his mistakes.

4. Acknowledge when your child is acting responsibly

Everybody loves recognition. When you point out times that your child is behaving in a trustworthy fashion, you are encouraging him to continue this type of behavior in the future.

Discuss being responsible with your child. Let them know that it is something that you value.

Let your children see you being dependable. Your child will learn much more from what you do than from what you say. Be a good role model.

6. Give your child an allowance

Let your children make their own money decisions from an early age. They will make mistakes, but don’t bail them out. It is better for them to learn what happens when they run out of money while the stakes are low, than it is to learn this when the lives of their children are involved.

7. Believe in your child

This is perhaps the most important way to make your child responsible. Children have no clear cut picture of themselves. They get their self-image from how those around them respond to them.

If you view your child as being responsible, he will grow to fit your expectations. On the other hand, if through your words or actions you let your child know that you feel you need to look after him and that you do not feel he is reliable, he will fit that expectation.

How you view your child will shape who he will become. If you truly believe that your child is capable of keeping commitments and behaves in a responsible fashion, your child will become responsible. Period.

Bonus Technique: Give your child responsibility

Children don’t become more dependable with age. They become more reliable by taking on responsibility. The only way your child will ever become reliable and dependable is by exercising these traits.

Give your child a chance to show you what he can do. He will grow from the opportunity. He will grow even more from the mistakes that he makes. Either way, when you give your child the opportunity and you believe in him, he will move toward becoming a well functioning responsible adult.

For an easy step-by-step plan to build your relationship with your child and end your child’s difficult behavior forever,

For children 2-11 go to

For teens 12 and older go to

For more information on how to handle your ODD child or teen:



If your child is 2-11 go to:

If your child is 12 and older go to:

5:3

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Rather use them as you see fit to make your job of raising your child easier.


1- The Tantrum Technique: The next time your child throws a tantrum, remove all the breakable objects in the area or else escort your child to a place that you have made tantrum proof. Once your child is there, encourage him to continue his tantrum. After a few times doing this many children stop throwing tantrums.

However, when you employ these techniques you have to do them in such a way that it comes across that their behavior really doesn’t bother you. Make sure that you execute them lightheartedly and with happiness. Your child should not detect any spitefulness from you. 



3- The Power of the Unexpected: 
Do unexpected favors for you child every so often. Bring them home a small unexpected gift and say you were thinking of him. Surprise your child with a yes answer when he is expecting no. Children have great appreciation for a kindness that they did not anticipate. (This works great with your spouse, also.)



4- Since You are Doing it Anyway: 
If you are going shopping anyway, take one of your children along and use this as an opportunity to do something together. Since you are cooking or doing the dishes anyway use the opportunity to have a conversation with your child. There are many opportunities during the day where you have to do things. Transform these anyway times into an opportunity to be close with your child.

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The answer soon became apparent when I invited her parents into the session. They began discussing numerous life events and explaining them in ways that their children were learning. The car, for example, got dented because you can’t trust anybody these days; Mom yelled at brother because she was in a bad mood; you can’t get ahead in this world unless you know somebody, etc.

Why should you want your child to be an optimist?

Because, as Dr. Martin Seligman explains:

“Pessimism (the opposite of optimism) is an entrenched habit of mind that has sweeping and disastrous consequences: depressed mood, resignation, underachievement and even unexpectedly poor physical health.”

Because parents are a major viagra to the thinking styles of their children’s developing minds, it is important to adhere to the following five steps to ensure healthy mental habits in your children.

How Parents Can Help

Step 1: Learn to think optimistically yourself. What children see and hear indirectly from you as you lead your life and interact with others influences them much more than what you try to ‘teach’ them.

You can model optimism for your child by incorporating optimistic mental skills into your own way of thinking. This is not easy and does not occur over night. But with practice, almost everyone can learn to think differently about life’s events – even parents!

Step 2: Teach your child that there is a connection between how they think and how they feel. You can do this most easily by saying aloud how your own thoughts about adversity create negative feelings in you.

For example, if you are driving your child to school and a driver cuts you off, verbalize the link between your thoughts and feelings by saying something like “I wonder why I’m feeling so angry; I guess I was saying to myself: ‘Now I’m going to be late because the guy in front of me is going so darn slow. If he is going to drive like that he shouldn’t drive during rush hour. How rude.’”

Step 3: Create a game called ‘thought catching.’ This helps your child learn to identify the thoughts that flit across his or her mind at the times they feel worst. These thoughts, although barely noticeable, greatly affect mood and behavior.

For instance, if your child received a poor grade, ask:

“When you got your grade, what did you say to yourself?”

Step 4: Teach your child how to evaluate automatic thoughts. This means acknowledging that they things you say to yourself are not necessarily accurate.

For instance, after receiving the poor grade your child may be telling himself he is a failure, he is not as smart as other kids; he will never be able to succeed in school, etc. Many of these self-statements may not be accurate, but they are ‘automatic’ in that situation.

Step 5: Instruct your child on how to generate more accurate explanations (to themselves) when bad things happen and use them to challenge your child’s automatic but inaccurate thoughts. Part of this process involves looking for evidence to the contrary (good grades in the past, success in other life areas, etc).

Another skill to teach your child to help him or her think optimistically is to ‘decatastrophize’ the situation – that is – help your child see that the bad event may not be as bad or will not have the adverse consequences imagined. Few things in life are as devastating as we fear, yet we blow them up in our minds.

About the Author: Dr. Tony Fiore (http://www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter “Taming the Anger Bee” at http://www.angercoach.com

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Get ADHD and ODD Child Behavior Help for children 2-11

Here are some ideas:

1. Start them with tasks when they’re young.

Young kids have a strong desire to help out, even as young as age 2.

2. Don’t use rewards with your kids

If you want your kids to develop an intrinsic sense of responsibility, they need to learn the “big picture” value of the things they do. They won’t learn that if they’re focused on what they’re going to “get.”

3. Use natural consequences when they make mistakes.

If they keep losing their baseball glove somewhere, let them deal with the consequences. Maybe they have to ask to borrow one for the game. Maybe they have to buy a new one if it’s lost. If you rescue them every time they screw up, they’ll never learn responsibility.

4. Let them know when you see them being responsible.

Specifically point out what you like about their behavior. This will make it more likely to continue to happen.

5. Talk often about responsibility with your kids.

Make responsibility a family value, let them know it’s important.

6. Model responsible behavior for your kids.

This is where they’ll learn it from. Take care of your stuff. Try to be on time. They’re watching you very closely.

7. Give them an allowance early in their life.

8. Have a strong, unfailing belief that your kids are responsible.

They’ll pick up on this belief and they’ll tend to rise to the level of expectation. And keep believing this even when they mess up!

9. Train them to be responsible.

10. Get some help and support for your parenting.

It’s hard to know sometimes whether you’re being too controlling or too permissive as a parent. Talk to other parents, read books, join parent support groups, whatever will help you feel like you’re not alone.

——————————————————————————–

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers and husbands. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm Sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

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Today we are going to discuss you.

Get ADHD and ODD Child Behavior Help for children 2-11

What I mean by that is that I want to discuss you as a parent. Many parents who have an ODD child, or an ADHD child, a defiant teen or just plain difficult children feel very ineffective and helpless.

I want to dispel some of the negative feelings that you might be having.

First, it is important to understand one thing. No child comes to the world completely blank. Children come in with certain personality traits, certain problems, certain skills and certain abilities and that combination makes up your child. Some children are easy to raise, and some children are hard to raise. The general principle is that ODD children, ADHD children, and even some normal children are much more difficult to raise than other children.

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Parents who complain about another parent’s parenting skills, do not have the difficult children you have nor do they have the same tests and trials that you have. An ODD child’s behavior with a very, very good parent will be much worse than the behavior of a normal easily controlled child whose parent is not as good.

I will give you a couple of examples of this. We had our children evaluated by the school psychologist. A few years earlier he evaluated my first two children. I remember when he evaluated my third child he came out of his office and said to me “This one is much easier, isn’t he?”

And he was. My third child is a very easy child. My first two children were very difficult. It is not a reflection of my parenting skills. It is the way it was. My children have different basic natures.

I told him, “This is my easiest child.”

And, it is true. He has very calm children and I have very wild children. But, again, you cannot compare the two children nor can you compare each of our parenting skills. One thing you have to understand as a parent is that if your child is not behaving properly, if he is ODD or ADHD, it is not a reason not to fix the problem.

You should understand also that if you invest in developing parenting skills for your child and address the problems properly, you are doing your job as a parent to its fullest. You should also accept the child you have.

If you have a hard child, no one can really blame you for that. If they do it is their problem and not your problem.

Parenting a difficult defiant child or teen doesn’t have to be hard. You just need to know what to do.

For more information on how to handle your ODD child or teen:



If your child is 2-11 go to:

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The most important thing that you can do to get your child to comply with your wishes is to build up your relationship.

Children have a natural desire to please their parents. This is true when they are young and it is also true when they become teenagers. Even adults have a need and desire to gain approval from their parents.

You can use what nature has given you as a way to help your child to do what you ask.

The reason is that other factors get in the way. For an ODD child or difficult defiant teen probably the biggest reason they defy adults is that they resent the subordination they feel toward the adult.

Get ADHD and ODD Teen Behavior Help for children 12 and older

For an ODD child or teen, the issue is who is in control, and almost everything else is secondary.

With such a child, getting them to obey is a major task. You can’t make them do anything. The more you try, the more they will fight you.

So how do you get such a child to listen to you?

You do this proactively, by developing and using your relationship.

Developing and strengthening a positive relationship with your child has numerous benefits:

• You will be happier
• Your child will be happier
• You will enjoy your time together much more
• You will reduce the amount of fighting and arguing
• Your child will be much less likely to get into serious trouble.

The key to handling a defiant child or teenager is not discipline or control. It is using your natural relationship created through the parent child bond to get your child or teen to want to comply willingly.

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For children 12 and older

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How often have you been told, overlook the bad behavior and focus on the good?

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This is great parenting advice. Ignoring your child’s bad behavior makes a lot of sense.

In fact, in many instances it is the best parenting approach.

For example, let’s take the case of Andy.

Andy is a three year old who has just thrown himself on the floor and is kicking and shrieking and having a full-blown tantrum. There may be a number of reasons Andy is having a tantrum right now.

Perhaps he is over tired. Perhaps he wants something and just doesn’t know how to express what he wants in a more eloquent fashion.

So if, you as Andy’s mother, are an astute parent you will ignore the tantrum. At a later time when Andy is calm you can make the effort to understand what was bothering him and teach him to express himself verbally.

Get ADHD and ODD Child Behavior Help for children 2-11

Do this consistently and eventually Andy will outgrow the tantrums.

But what would happen if you responded to the tantrum? What if you showed Andy that the tantrum upset your or got you to pay attention to him in a way that just talking doesn’t seem to do?

Do this often enough and Andy will realize that throwing a tantrum equals instant attention. For a child, that’s like stumbling upon a pot of gold.

Therefore, ignoring bad behavior is an excellent first line parenting technique and one you should always consider trying.

The problem, if you have a difficult or an Oppositional Defiant Disorder child he will just not be ignored.

He will just keep on escalating the bad behavior until it gets to the point where you can’t ignore it. He might start bopping his younger sister. He might stir up his classmates. But eventually he will find a way to make you get involved.

Ignoring the bad and focusing on the good….It’s a great parenting technique that just about everybody writes about.

The problem is…

It just doesn’t work. Not if you have an ODD or difficult child.

This is important for you to know. If you have an Oppositional Defiant Disorder Child or Defiant Teen and the things you are doing as a parent are not working, it is not your fault. It’s not because you are a bad parent or just don’t know what you are doing, as many people you know are quick to tell you.

The reason you are struggling with your child or teen is that they are tough to raise. Your child is much harder than most other children.

Difficult children require more expertise on your part. Just doing what works for other parents with their kids will not work for you. You need to get the information and the parenting skills that will help you with your child.

Parenting a difficult defiant child or teen doesn’t have to be hard. You just need to know what to do.

For more information on how to handle your ODD child or teen:



If your child is 2-11 go to:

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7 Powerful Ways to Show Love to Children

By Steve Brunkhorst

1. Spend Time with Your Children.

Time is the most loving gift we can give to our children. It allows for the mutual exchange of ideas, emotions, actions, and words that help our children develop and learn to communicate.

Enjoy a toddler’s tea parties as well as a teen’s ball games. Help your children build things and create art. Begin new family traditions that you can enjoy together each year. Ample time spent in mutually enjoyable activities will create memories you will always treasure.

Get ADHD and ODD Child Behavior Help for children 2-11

2. Be the Primary Role Model for Your Children.

Children need examples to follow. Teach practical values to your children by modeling those values. Admit when you have made a mistake and apologize. Model being committed to the ideals you embrace. Demonstrate the advantage of integrity over peer pressure.

We teach and influence children more through actions than words. We are our children’s first heroes; the ideals that we live today are the ideals that will influence our children throughout life.

3. Listen to Your Children.

A child’s message is one of his or her most essential gifts. We build self-esteem in children when we show interest in what they have to say. Children need to communicate their pride of accomplishment as well as their needs.

Get down at eye level with very young children and listen with your eyes, ears, and heart. Listen most of all to the feelings conveyed through a child’s eyes and expressions. If you listen to your children deeply, they will grow up listening deeply to you.

4. Provide Your Children with Loving Discipline.

Children need guidelines and safe boundaries without being constrained unnecessarily. They need to learn the value of being accountable for their choices and actions.

Let your children know that you disapprove of hurtful actions but will always love them as sons and daughters. Loving discipline enables them to recognize the best in other people. It allows children the freedom to explore the world safely and reach their highest potential.

5. Give Your Children Encouragement.

Encouraging words are powerful emotional deposits of confidence and self-esteem. Verbally acknowledge your children’s special talents and accomplishments. Catch your children doing something great, and tell them what a great job they have done.

Children need to know that we recognize and support their hopes and dreams for the future. Encouraging children to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually provides the foundation for living a balanced life.

6. Share Your Experiences with Your Children.

We each have valuable stories to tell, unique maps of our journey through life. These stories tell how our reactions to events created the life we are living now. Sharing the benefit of your experiences – the roadblocks and rewards – is a very loving
way to guide your children.

Your children may face many of the situations you faced. Your
experiences can help them make informed decisions and avoid unnecessary mistakes. Among the most worthwhile possessions that we can someday leave for our children are journals filled with the stories that shaped our lives.

7. Love and Support Your Children Unconditionally.

Love is an unconditional gift from the heart; it is not a reward for good behavior. Let your children know that you will love and support them in any situation. This message creates a sturdy bond of trust. Your children will grow to feel safe in coming to you with any problem they face.

Children need the freedom to make decisions, try new things, and learn that life requires personal responsibility and persistence. They need the freedom to fail and learn from mistakes without being judged. Unconditional love helps them to acquire the decisiveness and resiliency required to become successful.

If you could sum up all of our children’s needs, hopes, and expectations in one word, that word would be love. We share love when we play a central role in our children’s world of learning and discovery. Our legacy of love will have a guiding influence upon our children and grandchildren for many generations.

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© Copyright 2005 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue at http://www.AchieveEzine.com

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